If you are like most people, you have probably heard these lines:
"men want sex more than women" or "men are hornier than woman" or "men initiate sex more than woman". or "men can't live without sex". Perhaps it is from your very own experience. But is it really true?
Research generally shows that men desire sex more than women. For example, studies have found that men want intercourse more often and that men are more likely to wish they had more sex with their partners than women are.
What much research fails to consider, however, is the quality of sex. Do women really enjoy the sex they have? If they did, would they want sex more often? Those researchers who focus on women's sexuality, and especially female researchers, often find that the desire gap is smaller than it appears. In fact, Dr. Emily Nagoski argues that the difference between women's libidos is more significant on average than the difference between men's and women's sex drives in her book Come As You Are.
Nagoski's book also addresses a significant factor in the pleasure gap between men and women. According to research, women more often have responsive desire while men's desire is often spontaneous. This means that women can't get horny without the right factors, which can include relationship satisfaction, physical health, self-esteem, and plenty of clitoral stimulation, ie foreplay. As a result, women take a bit longer to warm up to the idea and are less likely to want sex without any of those triggers.
When you control for this, you find it's not necessarily that women don't want sex. Rather, their environments aren't great for it, and, often, the type of sex they're having (intercourse) doesn't respect their sex drives. You can even see how research questions about intercourse and ignore foreplay prioritize men's pleasure over women's. So it's no wonder they find that women want sex less.
However, you can make science work for you by giving your sex drive (or your partner's) something to respond to. Each woman has unique triggers that activate her sex drive, but many have great luck with masturbation. That's right, using your favorite sex toy might actually make you more likely to want sex, so why not pick out a new vibrator or dildo to do the trick? Sexting is also a great way to prime the pump and get excited for the next time you see your lover.
Finally, if you've ever heard tropes about how men should do the dishes if they want their female partners to desire sex, there's something to them. A woman's sex drive more easily shuts down when she's stressed, anxious, or otherwise has a lot on her plate. So taking on your fair share of responsibilities--and occasionally a bit more--can do wonders for your sex life, not to mention your relationship.